"YOU SEE!! IT CHANGES COLOR WHEN IT DRIES! IT NEVER STAYS!! I HAVE TO KEEP THE WALL WET!!"
--Johnny

"Can you imagine how good going through this will make you feel
I promise, no one will ever know
There will be no chance of you getting caught
They never loved you anyway
So come on, be a man and do what you are compelled to do
Save me GOD!

I can hear the voice
But I don't want to listen
Strap me down and tell me
I'll be alright
I can feel the subliminal need
To be one with the voice
And make everything go
I can hear the voice
But I don't want to listen
Strap me down and tell me
I'll be alright
I can feel the subliminal need
To be one with the voice
And make everything alright"
--Disturbed, "Voices"

* * *

It's something that had to be done. I read Jhonen Vasquez's "Johnny the Homicidal Maniac" when I was a wee tyke in high school. I didn't understand why it was so appealing to me then, but I do now.

It has come to my full attention, the reality of the way I deal with people. I hate them, love them, admire them, and feel compelled to fix them. The latter is one of which will never happen.

Reflecting, and trying to prevent myself from giving into my own obsession of understanding humankind, I realized that this comic that I read when I was young was the catalyst that awoken that innate obsession. It has consumed me and made me feel a lot of things that are nice, and things that even scare myself.

I don't think that people deserve to die. I don't think they deserve to be loved, or even liked. I think people are overlooked and underestimated and deserve more credit. I don't think people deserve a moment of anyone's time.

I don't know what the word means anymore. I think it's an idea that humans came up with out of sympathy and rage, and how much a person apparently deserves depends on the individual.

* * *

If you've read the comic in its entirety, you can probably piece together what this is about. If not, well... I can't help you much there. All I can tell you is that it's a pretty bad fucking idea to paint while you're PMSing. I couldn't concentrate worth a damn doing this. I'd start one part, move onto something else, fuck with another part, I let it get on top of me, then I smoked twelve cigarettes and went back and fussed and painted and repainted and for some reason I let time influence me. I had to just finish it. Now.

Predominately done in Painter X. Palette and contrasting changes made in Photoshop, because Painter is stupid when it comes to that sort of thing.

Johnny, Psycho Doughboy, Mr. Eff, and "Moose", better understood as the Wall Monster, as well as all things "Johnny the Homicidal Maniac"-related aren't mine; they're Jhonen Vasquez's.

Hey, that reminds me.

It was really fucking difficult/fun to take JV's drawings and make them mine for a fleeting moment. I really wish I had my comics for reference instead of a couple scans on the internet.

What was I talking about??

Sorry for the extra postings--I made an edit to the fullview size.

I like them big.